After I made my appointment for my massage with Paola (yeah, baby!!), she cheerfully wished me, "Buon Pasqua!" Happy Easter....hmmm, I can't remember the last time anyone wished me Happy Easter or Merry Christmas. Yet Paola didn't think for a moment; didn't consider I may be Hindu or Buddhist or Atheist, she just wished me, "Buona Festa," because everyone celebrates Easter and Pasquetta (Easter Monday). It's part and parcel of the Italian culture.
Which led me to one of my favorite plays, A Raisin in the Sun, when Beneatha flaunts society's norms and stops straightening her hair in deference to her African heritage, citing "anti-assimilationist beliefs!"
Which led me to the dictionary:
AS·SIM·I·LATE
–verb (used with object)
Which led me to our situation here. We work very hard not to stick out; we don't want to call attention to ourselves as Americans, even though we are obviously not Italian (once we open our mouths). My friend, Bill, asked me, "Will you ever not be outsiders?" No, we will always be outsiders, to a lesser degree the longer we're here, but we will never be mistaken for Italians. But in our quest for "Italian-ness," we try to absorb the culture, understand the belief systems, flow with the Italian concept of time--which is fluid--, value the history and the music and the local traditions, explore the habits and incorporate them, as much as possible, into our daily living. (i.e. cappuccino and brioche for breakfast, lunch at 1, dinner at 8, no shopping between 1 and 4 cuz the stores are closed.) Is that assimilation??
We have met several English couples who don't like Italian food, don't like the Italian people, can't stand the Italian bureaucracy, and won't learn Italian. My reaction is, "go home!" If you don't like being here, why stay? Go back to London or Manchester---why are you here at all??? Additionally, they tend to hang together, not make friends with the locals, creating an insidious, incestuous group. (Obviously, not all English ex-pats are like this, but there are some....) Is this assimilation?
Which led me to the immigration issues we experience in the States, and SoCal in particular. My students in any given classroom easily reflected 10-15 different cultures, constantly grappling with acceptance in school--difficult at best--, and acquiescing to parental demands of maintaining the culture of their homeland. This, in and of itself, creates a huge schism for these kids. Mom and Dad say THIS is important, but the school culture and their peers say THAT is more important. Most of them have beautifully integrated both of their cultures; they are able to satisfy Mom and Dad while making and keeping "American" friends. Is this assimilation???
Which led me to: why do people immigrate and what is their responsibility once they do?? What responsibility does the dominant culture have to immigrants? What motivates one to immigrate and what kind of expectations does he/she have?? There are as many answers as there are people.
I, for one, believe if I choose to live in a country other than the one in which I was brought up, I have a responsibility to learn about that country, its people, its customs, but, mostly, it is incumbent upon me to respect the differences, embrace them. All of this while maintaining my identity and ties to my native land. We walk a complicated tightrope; I can only hope we reach the other side with our humanity in tact. For me, this is assimilation.
Which led me to one of my favorite plays, A Raisin in the Sun, when Beneatha flaunts society's norms and stops straightening her hair in deference to her African heritage, citing "anti-assimilationist beliefs!"
Which led me to the dictionary:
AS·SIM·I·LATE
–verb (used with object)
1. to take in and incorporate as one's own; absorb: He assimilated many new experiences on his European trip.
2. to bring into conformity with the customs, attitudes, etc., of a group, nation, or the like; adapt or adjust: to assimilate the new immigrants. (dictionary.com)
Which led me to my mother who lived in the US for over 50 years and assimilated quite nicely, thank you very much. She assimilated so well that we, my brother and sister and I, lost some of our Italian heritage because she didn't talk about it. Was she reticent because her new culture was our dominant culture? Was she reticent because talking about the past wouldn't change the present or influence the future? For example, my mother talked frequently about my being born on Easter Monday...in America, Easter Monday is the day after Easter and we all go back to work. In Italy, it's a holiday. She never told me it was a holiday, a celebration of family and friends--or if she did, it is gone from my head. Christmas Eve, here in Italy, is the big Christmas celebration. A huge, multi-course fish dinner is prepared, and families play games and eat until dawn--everyone celebrates that way. In America, each family has a different tradition, but the fish dinner and games isn't usually one of them. I didn't know....soooo, was Mom reticent to share her culture because it would make her less American? Were we so uninterested (as children are wont to do) that she didn't want to impose her culture on us? Is this assimilation?Which led me to our situation here. We work very hard not to stick out; we don't want to call attention to ourselves as Americans, even though we are obviously not Italian (once we open our mouths). My friend, Bill, asked me, "Will you ever not be outsiders?" No, we will always be outsiders, to a lesser degree the longer we're here, but we will never be mistaken for Italians. But in our quest for "Italian-ness," we try to absorb the culture, understand the belief systems, flow with the Italian concept of time--which is fluid--, value the history and the music and the local traditions, explore the habits and incorporate them, as much as possible, into our daily living. (i.e. cappuccino and brioche for breakfast, lunch at 1, dinner at 8, no shopping between 1 and 4 cuz the stores are closed.) Is that assimilation??
We have met several English couples who don't like Italian food, don't like the Italian people, can't stand the Italian bureaucracy, and won't learn Italian. My reaction is, "go home!" If you don't like being here, why stay? Go back to London or Manchester---why are you here at all??? Additionally, they tend to hang together, not make friends with the locals, creating an insidious, incestuous group. (Obviously, not all English ex-pats are like this, but there are some....) Is this assimilation?
Which led me to the immigration issues we experience in the States, and SoCal in particular. My students in any given classroom easily reflected 10-15 different cultures, constantly grappling with acceptance in school--difficult at best--, and acquiescing to parental demands of maintaining the culture of their homeland. This, in and of itself, creates a huge schism for these kids. Mom and Dad say THIS is important, but the school culture and their peers say THAT is more important. Most of them have beautifully integrated both of their cultures; they are able to satisfy Mom and Dad while making and keeping "American" friends. Is this assimilation???
Which led me to: why do people immigrate and what is their responsibility once they do?? What responsibility does the dominant culture have to immigrants? What motivates one to immigrate and what kind of expectations does he/she have?? There are as many answers as there are people.
I, for one, believe if I choose to live in a country other than the one in which I was brought up, I have a responsibility to learn about that country, its people, its customs, but, mostly, it is incumbent upon me to respect the differences, embrace them. All of this while maintaining my identity and ties to my native land. We walk a complicated tightrope; I can only hope we reach the other side with our humanity in tact. For me, this is assimilation.
Right on (bull's eye), and very nuanced, if one can express both of these extremes simultaneously. You did! So much food for thought-I found myself nodding in agreement so many times-totally corroborated by my experiences of living in France for the past eight years. You are a sage!
ReplyDeleteLynne