Wednesday, June 22, 2011

@&)>>!!&%$#####

ARRRGH...I've spent HOURS, honestly, hours, trying to upload some photos on this program and FINALLY I've got something to show ya!! 

If you click on this link, you'll be taken to a slideshow of  DAILY LIFE --(that's the link!)

HINT:  you might want to change the time of each slide to 5 seconds.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

WHERE IS HOME???

I am straddling two continents.  I have a house and friends and family and years and years of living well-rooted in Southern California; and I have a house and friends and family and years and years of short-term visits well-rooted in Italy.  Most of my communications are with friends in SoCal, my socializing is mostly here.  My banking and mortgage are in CA, my paycheck comes from across the world, my siblings and nieces and nephews are there, Gary's work is dependent upon the whim of the California Community College system, and yet.... 

When we speak of "home," we often have to clarify, "which home?"  In the dead of winter I was cold and lonely for social interactions; I longed for a yoga class at Total Woman; I wanted to eavesdrop on the table next to me at a restaurant--and understand every word!  No Contest--Home was California.  Then spring came, we worked on the house, revamped the garden, completed projects, made everything more comfortable and "pretty."  The competition was getting stronger.

Then we went away for 10 days--Rome, Provence to our friend, Lynne, back to Rome to visit family--and then back home...for the first time, when we got back, it was to home.  To my bed, to my kitchen, to my plants, to my bugs, to my electrical problems and odd plumbing...I was home.

In Provence, Lynne greeted us with open, all-encompassing arms.  It was affirming, warm, welcoming--unconditional.  Anne, Gail, Sandy, Jane--also at Lynne's--met us with a giant group hug and a glass of champagne!  And then...we were shown to our room, the new addition to the house, with a rock sign proclaiming "Chez Pat & Gary."


If you look carefully, you can see the rock above my head....
How welcoming is that??

Lynne gave us friendship and food and frivolity.  A home away from home...but where, exactly, is home?

Our new friend, Gabriella, asked us where our hearts were...for there, she said, is home.  Our other friend, Anne, said she thought home was where our "stuff" is...the things that define us, our books, our photos, our towels.  Feeling free to put my feet on the couch and strew my clothes about goes a long way to establishing my comfort level--another indicator of "being home."  And some sage said home is in the arms of your loved ones.  I gotta say, when I am emotionally vulnerable, there is no home, no safer haven, than my husband's arms.

I am already saddened by our imminent departure from Italy--although we're here another 10 weeks!--for our commitment to the place, the house, the people, the country, is strong.  And part of me can't help but feel when we leave, all the work--emotional and physical and mental--will be lost.  And in losing that, negate the last 8 months and lose a vital part of me.  

And yet...I am looking forward to having margaritas with Jamie and Karen, having dinner with dear, dear friends, hugging my nephews and nieces, sitting down with my brother, getting a massage with my sister-in-law, havin' a burger, eating Mexican and Thai food, barbequing, knowing the holidays, not thinking about verb conjugation before speaking!

I am firmly convinced we won't know where we belong until we go back to CA--Time....

So I continue to straddle two continents, continue to wonder where I belong, where my emotional ties are, what I want out of the next 20 years, how many challenges I want in my daily life.  Knowing, always, there are a pair of arms that can salve the wounds and bring me home.