INSPIRATIONS

I have had the opportunity to meet some stellar people who have touched my heart and rattled my brain...some are new acquaintances and some have been in my life for years.  This is my paean to you, all who touch my life....

We met Angela and Paul about two weeks ago; they had just pedalled down to Italy from Wales.  Yes, you read correctly, pedalled (the Brits call bicycling pedalling) from Wales...there were 2 ferry rides to be fair, but, mostly, they rode their bikes.  From Wales to France, south through France, into Italy, to us, and, OH YEAH, they rode their bikes over the Alps.  (If I could figure out a way to download a map, I'd trace their trip for ya!)  AND, they thought riding the Alps was easier than manipulating the hills here in Le Marche,  because, you see, the incline is more gentle, not as steep and fast as here.  They had a great time, riding about 40 miles/5 hours a day, stopping for lunch along the road, quitting for the day when tired, finding a hotel, and starting all over the next day.  They are delightful people with a fabulous story to tell and we were lucky enough to be a small part of that.  Gary was so inspired he bought us mountain bikes---they're still in the garage in pieces, but, I am sure, they will be put to good use.

Last week we went to the museum in the nearby town of Falerone, only to discover the museum is open only during July and August or by special appointment (!!).  Sooo, we explored the town with our friends, Dennis and Kathy, and came upon a small shop loaded with artwork.  The man loitering in the piazza behind us knows the artist and rang his doorbell...

Adelio Marini answered his door, enveloped us 4 strangers with warmth, explained he's been making art for 80 years, and apologized for the rooms stuffed with his canvases--he's run out of space.  He opened his shop, explaining his inspirations and techniques, like a kid in a giant toy box anxious to show off every toy--every drawer, every nook, every corner, filled with his work.  It was a study in passion and commitment and the creative process.  My soul was fed from this encounter.

Adelio Marini and one of his canvases....
www.rajzi.bme.hu/adeliomarini







I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a serious disease.  He suffered for several years before the actual diagnosis came in, but come it did.  I have watched him grapple with the disease, accept the impact on his life, and choose to LIVE.  He doesn't dwell on the pain or the potentially horrible effects, he involves himself in life-affirming things---laughter, music, food, friends, family---he doesn't care to spend time with negative people or in negative situations, he just wants to live, relishing the joy.  I have the privilege of sharing some of that joy with him.

Here in our small part of the world, I have the time to reflect on many things--my life, my husband, my priorities, my goals, my beliefs--but one overriding theme in my life is the people who populate it.  I choose to surround myself with people who are strong of character, who have beliefs they defend, who appreciate thinking and speaking well, who give freely, who are sensitive to others, who love to experience new things, who are passionate....how lucky am I??   

AS·SIM·I·LATE

After I made my appointment for my massage with Paola (yeah, baby!!), she cheerfully wished me, "Buon Pasqua!"  Happy Easter....hmmm, I can't remember the last time anyone wished me Happy Easter or Merry Christmas.   Yet Paola didn't think for a moment; didn't consider I may be Hindu or Buddhist or Atheist, she just wished me, "Buona Festa," because everyone celebrates Easter and Pasquetta (Easter Monday).  It's part and parcel of the Italian culture.

Which led me to one of my favorite plays, A Raisin in the Sun, when Beneatha flaunts society's norms and stops straightening her hair in deference to her African heritage, citing "anti-assimilationist beliefs!"

Which led me to the dictionary:
AS·SIM·I·LATE
–verb (used with object)

1.  to take in and incorporate as one's own; absorb: He assimilated many new experiences on his European trip.

2.  to bring into conformity with the customs, attitudes, etc., of a group, nation, or the like; adapt or adjust: to assimilate the new immigrants.   (dictionary.com)

Which led me to my mother who lived in the US for over 50 years and assimilated quite nicely, thank you very much.  She assimilated so well that we, my brother and sister and I, lost some of our Italian heritage because she didn't talk about it.  Was she reticent because her new culture was our dominant culture?  Was she reticent because talking about the past wouldn't change the present or influence the future?   For example, my mother talked frequently about my being born on Easter Monday...in America, Easter Monday is the day after Easter and we all go back to work.  In Italy, it's a holiday.  She never told me it was a holiday, a celebration of family and friends--or if she did, it is gone from my head.  Christmas Eve, here in Italy, is the big Christmas celebration.  A huge, multi-course fish dinner is prepared, and families play games and eat until dawn--everyone celebrates that way.  In America, each family has a different tradition, but the fish dinner and games isn't usually one of them.  I didn't know....soooo, was Mom reticent to share her culture because it would make her less American?  Were we so uninterested (as children are wont to do) that she didn't want to impose her culture on us?  Is this assimilation?

Which led me to our situation here.  We work very hard not to stick out; we don't want to call attention to ourselves as Americans, even though we are obviously not Italian (once we open our mouths).  My friend, Bill, asked me, "Will you ever not be outsiders?"  No, we will always be outsiders, to a lesser degree the longer we're here, but we will never be mistaken for Italians.  But in our quest for "Italian-ness," we try to absorb the culture, understand the belief systems, flow with the Italian concept of time--which is fluid--, value the history and the music and the local traditions, explore the habits and incorporate them, as much as possible, into our daily living.  (i.e. cappuccino and brioche for breakfast, lunch at 1, dinner at 8, no shopping  between 1 and 4 cuz the stores are closed.) Is that assimilation??

We have met several English couples who don't like Italian food, don't like the Italian people, can't stand the Italian bureaucracy, and won't learn Italian.  My reaction is, "go home!" If you don't like being here, why stay?  Go back to London or Manchester---why are you here at all???  Additionally, they tend to hang together, not make friends with the locals, creating an insidious, incestuous group.  (Obviously, not all English ex-pats are like this, but there are some....)  Is this assimilation?

Which led me to the immigration issues we experience in the States, and SoCal in particular.  My students in any given classroom easily reflected 10-15 different cultures, constantly grappling with acceptance in school--difficult at best--, and acquiescing to parental demands of maintaining the culture of their homeland.  This, in and of itself, creates a huge schism for these kids.  Mom and Dad say THIS is important, but the school culture and their peers say THAT is more important.  Most of them have beautifully integrated both of their cultures; they are able to satisfy Mom and Dad while making and keeping "American" friends.  Is this assimilation???

Which led me to: why do people immigrate and what is their responsibility once they do??  What responsibility does the dominant culture have to immigrants?  What motivates one to immigrate and what kind of expectations does he/she have??   There are as many answers as there are people. 

I, for one, believe if I choose to live in a country other than the one in which I was brought up, I have a responsibility to learn about that country, its people, its customs, but, mostly, it is incumbent upon me to respect the differences, embrace them.  All of this while maintaining my identity and ties to my native land.   We walk a complicated tightrope; I can only hope we reach the other side with our humanity in tact.  For me, this is assimilation. 

WHINING FROM PARADISE

We have designated the months of April and May as "project months!"  The weather has warmed up significantly (whew!) for us to proceed with painting and floor-boarding, gardening (see "Eva and Eddie" post), patching walls-inside and out, prepping the apartment for guests, tiling the front of the fireplace.

When I see the list this way, it looks manageable, even easy.  When I'm in the middle of it, I want to TEAR MY HAIR OUT!!!  Nothing is easy...I wanted to rehang some pictures in the loft upstairs--no big deal, right??  Wrong.  Our walls are 18" thick and made of plaster...to drive a nail, one needs a damn drill; once the hole has been drilled, the nail has to be fitted; then, hopefully, the nail will hold the picture.  So a project that I would do myself in 10 minutes in CA, took two of us two hours.  The pictures look great. 

I understand more clearly why Italians, once they decorate, NEVER change decor--their homes have the same color pallet and wall decorations for 30 years.

TILING:  we've lived with a gaping hole in our fireplace where the pellet stove was installed since December...time to revestimento or redress the front.  We went through our creative process, shopping for tile, creating a look--the fun stuff.  We found the glass tile we wanted at Leroy-Merlin, a chain store similar to Home Depot.  We assumed---ahhhh, silly, silly us---if one L-M had the tiles, the others would, too.  But, nooooooo.  There passed several futile days of visiting L-M all over Italy to match the tile we wanted (seriously)....we finally found it--online.  Again, thwarted....it's such a simple thing in CA, if one Home Depot has it, they all have it.  But, it was clearly explained to us that each store is individually franchised and they don't all have the same stuff---duh!.. 

The bigger problem is the front of the fireplace had to be made in such as way that the panels could be removed for cleaning the heater...okay, imagine the complexities of figuring weight-bearing, ease of removal, maintaining the integrity of the design....that consumed about 2 weeks to solve those problems.  The picture doesn't do it justice,  But...

this is the result...and we're very happy!

 And the apartment---has been ignored for five, yep, count 'em, five years, so there was a lot of work to do...repainting, repapering, fixing the plumbing and the electrical, changing out lighting fixtures, redressing it, and, oh yeah, a MAJOR cleaning....none of this terribly difficult, but it consumed 2 weeks of planning & shopping and 1 week of work.  and the results??

       

Isn't it adorable??? 

Life here is not easy...we can't pick up a phone and order tile, we can't easily put a nail in the wall, we are constantly fighting weeds and insects--we are in the country, after all!--, we are desperate to fully understand our neighbors, mail takes 7-10 days to arrive to or from the US, stores are closed from 1-4 daily and Sundays, the electricity could go out the next time it rains and stay out for days, we don't see the sun for days/weeks on end ... and the list goes on ad infinitum.  We are creatures of convenience, we've learned (and continue to learn) hard lessons about self-sufficiency and creative problem-solving.

BUT...we have a wonderful opportunity, a once-in-a-lifetime chance to pursue a dream.  When the whine rises in my throat, I tell myself, "shut up, savor the moment, embrace the experience"...but sometimes it just feels good to whine.

So, I have a glass of wine, look out over the terrace, and imagine Home Depot is closed on Sundays!